What You Project Reflects Back To You

Did you know the blame and shame you generate and put out into the world come back to you?  The same is true for the projections you create and put out.

What do I mean by this?  The way we perceive and define others is a reflection of how we actually feel about ourselves. In other words, if you don’t like parts of yourself:  You’re not going to like the parts of you that you see in other people either.

I only know this because I’ve lived it, and it took me a long time to really lean into this one.

But, it’s true.

It’s also a form of self rejection. As long as you reject yourself, the parts you don’t like, you’ll never really be able to accept yourself. Acceptance is the only way to love. It’s the step before surrender which is letting go without the fear of losing anything. You have trust there because you have aknowledged what is real and you can accept that about yourself.

Have you ever gone into a relationship trying to change the other person? Not accepting them for who they are but rather wanting them to be what you perceive as a higher version of themselves so that you can feel better about the relationship. Have you had this projected at you in a relationship? It doesn’t feel good does it?

A relationship never feels good when one or both people are in a state of resistance to each other. This is the same dynamic that goes on within you too. Your relationship to yourself.

So If you don’t matter to yourself or you are meeting other peoples needs a priority before you meet your own needs this is you rejecting you. You’re putting yourself on the back burner. You are telling the universe, I don’t need support.

It’s the program of sacrifice that so many of us have been playing out for lifetimes and the truth is this has never worked we’ve just been tricked into thinking it does.

However, when we matter to ourselves first, the rest of life falls beautifully into place. Even, and especially, with our relationships. Now you may think this sounds a little selfish, but I promise you it’s not.  

Arrogance and narcissism get confused with self-love, self-assurance, and confidence.  The difference, though, is that arrogance occurs when we seek power from the outside.

Instead of coming from the empowered place of self-love:  Arrogance and narcissism arise from an unconscious seat of self-loathing.

The confidence of self-love, on the other hand, is an expression of unconditional love for self.  Once you understand this beautiful truth, it opens you up to a place of less judgment.

Therefore, less resistance in your life and into a place of more options and choices.

Then the flow of life moves through you like a current that is forever flowing with abundance because you are allowing it without blocking it.

If you'd like to learn more about how you can cultivate a relationship with yourself to bring in more empowered wellness in your life pick up your copy of Finally Thriving here!

My New Years Reflection; What We Make Other People

It's not the New Years resolutions that are the problem, it's that what we think we're resolving is not really what needs to be resolved.  Reflection of self has to happen first before anything can be resolved.  Will power has nothing to do with it.  In fact, using will power to push through something you really don't want to do is not only unhealthy, it can be potentially damaging to the physical body.  It distracts us from something deeper that's calling out to us for attention.  When we ignore this call, resistance is created and then failure of not following through comes next.  This could be why so many people only make it a few weeks.

My inner resolution has been not making other people into who I want them to be.  I realized that we simply cannot allow ourselves to be who we truly are if we make other people into who we want them to be.  This was my issue, I wasn't allowing myself to be who I was thus, not allowing others to disappoint, amaze and confuse me and be who they are.  Whether I was putting other people on a pedestal (which I've done many times) or putting myself above another person or becoming the authority of another;  all are equally destructive.

We give our power away when we make other people into who we want them to be despite the fact that they may not be anything close to the version we see them as.  This not only puts pressure on the person you're setting conditional expectations on, you're setting yourself up for failure simply because you'll always be disappointed by the outcome.  I've also been on the other side of it, trying to be what people want me to be and that's just as destructive.

So as the quote mentions above, we start with our relationship with our self.  This kind of perspective can be healing in a time of confusion and uncertainty.  The practice of living life in a more unconditional way (maintaining a positive or aware disposition despite how your environment changes) is how I've been able to find true peace from within.  Looking at each person I come in contact with as a mirror for myself.

Through the practice of reflection (getting still or slowing down), movement, meditation, returning (teaching) and integrating I've helped myself come out of some dark places and returned to the light and passion that keeps me childlike and curious.  My hope for this year is that I can continue to get closer to what's true for me, what I'm passionate about and express this you all in way that uplifts, heals and may cause you to reflect, return and integrate more of yourself.